tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
