So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize