lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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