worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
