what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
