she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
