I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
