When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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