Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
