He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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