Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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