Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
