you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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