he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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