what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
