Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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