Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
