i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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