My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have already put on my inside pants.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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