I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
