yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
