We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
