i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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