Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
