dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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