Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
