It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
