it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
