look no pants
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
