I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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