Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
