no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
