I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
