why didn't you poke me back
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
