the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
