The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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