i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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