Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Floor bacon is actually really good
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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