i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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