Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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