is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
