Im at strip club and am horny
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
