I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
