when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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