you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I need to align my fucking chakras
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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