Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize