I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
