Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So squirting runs in the family.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
