her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
