my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
