he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
