I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
