Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
