summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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