so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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