You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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