Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
