Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
