The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
