You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
