I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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