I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
