Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
