apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize