What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
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