I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Houston, we have a squirter
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
