I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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