Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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