I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
