Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
