New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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