evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
NoShamevember. You game?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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