There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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