I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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