dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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