i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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