My nipple is on Facebook.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
