Need sex. Gaining weight.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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