Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
