Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
