The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
