Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
