The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
