A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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