Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
