i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
