You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
