my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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