My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
