i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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