he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
