I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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