I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
