Soap is not a condiment
I want you more than these girls want KFC
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
