I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
