Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
