I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize