Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
