Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
