omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
