it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
