yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
