He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well I just put wine in my tea
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
