Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
