Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm really busy with my period
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