Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
