Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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