ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
