Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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